


Saudade

by ApolloAttraction



Category: Young Avengers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-02 05:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4047223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApolloAttraction/pseuds/ApolloAttraction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saudade- Noun; A vague, constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist; a nostalgic longing for someone or something that has been loved and then lost</p>
<p>Billy is dying and the only thing Teddy can do to save him will erase their history together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saudade

Billy drops from the sky like a rock.

He's enveloped by strong arms and green wings as Teddy catches him. “Billy?” The blonde's voice is frantic. The brunet groans and Teddy brushes back his hair from his clammy forehead. “What hit you?” The mage had been fine mere moments ago, but now was barely responsive. “Come on,” Teddy shook his lover slightly, trying to get something more than the soft, pained whines the mage was making.

“What happened?” Eli demands from across the battlefield, where he's holding off the closest villains.

Teddy's not listening. Billy's lost the pallor in his face and is shaking.

“Teddy!” Kate sends an arrow whizzing past him to tag a would-be attacker. “You can't just sit there.”

Tommy is there in a flash. “Let me take him.” Teddy doesn't respond, just hold him closer. “Snap out of it!” Tommy urges and kneels to look in Teddy's eyes. “You're both sitting ducks right now. Let me take him out of here. We'll finish the fight and we'll _help_ him.” Tommy sounds stern, but he looks just as scared as Teddy feels. The blond reluctantly gives up Billy. Tommy disappears and returns a few minutes later, putting a hand on Teddy's shoulder and promising, “He'll be ok.”

Teddy wants to believe him.

He really does.

But when the fight's over and the whole team crowd's around the cot Billy's on, the mage only looks worse. Teddy finds solace in the machine slowly but steadily beeping out Billy's heartbeat. When Teddy holds his boyfriend's hand, it's cold. “Did anyone see what happened?” Teddy asked, running his thumb over the back of the brunet's knuckles.

“ _Nothing_ happened,” Tommy insisted sadly, “He was fighting one moment and falling the next.”

“Look at him; does it look like _nothing_ happened?” the blond snaps back. 

Tommy recoils and it looks like he might retort until a knock on the door frame attracts their attention. In full sorcerer supreme regalia, Dr. Strange stands there and politely asks, “May I come in?”

“What are you doing here?” Kate asks, suspicious and relieved all at once; they had yet to contact anyone outside their team and the Kaplans, though she is sure they will need outside help.

“I felt a disturbance,” He says dismissively and leans over the side of Billy's cot. He grimaces as he sees the teen's pallid face. Everyone is quiet as he looks over Billy. “There's no physical sign of a hex, but there is magic here indeed.” He turns to Kate and Eli, “Has anyone told Wanda? I worry about her reaction, but it is possible her Magic could fix this.”

Teddy's heart speeds up. Tommy has Wanda on speed-dial. They are hopeful. Wanda gets there and she is all frowns and worry. She holds back tears and places her hands above Billy. The pinkish-red glow of her Magic starts, then stops. She tries again, brows furrowing and body going rigid with exertion. “I can't-” she starts, a crack in her voice. She tries again, desperate, and her hands spasm with a bolt of Magic the fizzles out above Billy. For a moment, the machine keeping track of his heart beat beeps a little faster.

“We've got to find out who did this,” Wanda demands.

The team's discussion with Wanda and Dr. Strange is background noise to Teddy as he hangs his head. He's trying to hope, but it feels like his world is unraveling. “I want to stay here,” he says, quietly, once a decision has been made to accompany Dr. Strange to his sanctum.

“Teddy-” Tommy starts with a voice laced in pity and concern.

Kate cuts him off, “I'll text you as soon as we know anything, Teddy.” He doesn't look up at the sound of their retreating footsteps.

“It's not the first time you've gotten hurt,” he says aloud, pretending that he's talking to Billy and not just himself. “It's always worked out before.” He nods to himself, holding Billy's hand and drawing patterns on the boy's palm. “It will be okay.” He waivers. This feels different than all those other times. It feels surreal. As though, somewhere else this isn't happening- somewhere else it never happens. “It will be okay.”

He traces along the lines of Billy's palm. “You'll be fine.” There's a lump in his throat as he traces his index finger along the brunet's lifeline. “Please don't leave me.” And there are tears clinging to his lashes. “I need you.” He lets out a shuddering breath. “Please, Billy-”

The smell of smoke and sulfur fills the room and Teddy looks up. There is a man standing in the corner of the room, smoke and fire flickering around his feet.

“Oh, dear,” The man says, expression betraying some confusion. “You weren't supposed to be here.”

Teddy blinks, tears falling to his cheeks. “Who are you?”

“I was Master Pandemonium in this time, I think,” the man says absently. “Demiurge?” he raises an eyebrow as he steps towards Billy. “So young. But this is what happens with so much power.”

Teddy leaps up, arm extending and catching the man by the throat. “ _What_ are you doing here?” He growls and slams the villain against the wall.

“Finishing a job...” The man replies, face blank, eyes vacant; somewhere beyond the sorrow and rage flooding Teddy's system he knows that Pandemonium isn't all there.

“Undo it,” Teddy's grip tightens on the man's neck, making him cough and spasm.

“I can't,” the man splutters once he can breathe again. “I can only make him die faster.”

Teddy slams him against the wall again. “There has to be a way to fix it.”

“Only the amulet can undo it,” Pandemonium tells him and lifts a hand to show Teddy a silver-chained necklace with a faintly-glowing purple stone.

“How?” Teddy demands, dropping the villain and taking the amulet.

“It was forged with love and can only be appeased by the same.” Pandemonium explains as he slumps against the wall.

“I don't understand...” Teddy turned the gem over in his hands.

“Don't you?” the man asks. Teddy's brow draws together in confusion and then it hits him- an almost overwhelming sense of adoration and an understanding that makes his stomach sink.

“It wants my memories?” He frowns and looks to Billy, wishing the other was awake to help him.

“Not all of them,” the villain says, standing straight. “But the amulet was made with a very specific purpose that you want to change. It will take all your memories of _him_ to do so. So...are you willing to give up your boyfriend to save a stranger?”

Teddy looks to Billy. The brunet is ghostly white and the monitor tracking his heartbeat is terrifyingly slow. “Yes,” he answers, throat dry and voice cracking. Even if it meant he wouldn't _know_ Billy, he couldn't picture a world without the mage in it.

The amulet starts to glow. Everything is bright and purple. It fades to black.

+

At fourteen, Teddy hears about a mutant boy from his school whose powers showed up during a fight with a bully. Everything is hushed whispers and he can't pick up a name. He wants to meet him. He feels like he _needs_ to- because Teddy can shape-shift and he doesn't know any other mutants. He spends months trying to figure out who the boy is, but someone is trying to keep the news from getting out (probably the parents; it's not always _safe_ for mutants to be known.)

Teddy's mother finds out about what he's been doing with Greg Norris and transfers his school; it isn't safe for _him_ to be known, either, but it's _not_ because he's a mutant.

He feels alone. His mother is the only other person like him. Even when he starts making friends at his new school, there's an aching loneliness settled in his chest. There's something missing and he can't think of what.

He's gotten into the habit of watching the stars when he can't sleep and the galaxies ease the emptiness. He wonders if he's missing Skrullos- a place that could have been home. He decides against it and thinks that what he's missing _is_ home, but it's also somewhere he's been before.

+

His mother dies during the skrull invasion. He's saved by a Young Avenger- he's seen them on TV a lot and he even had the chance to _be_ one when Iron Lad dropped into his house one night (his mother begged him not to and he agreed)- and he feels like she recognizes him when their eyes meet. The only thing she says is “Duck!” before launching an arrow at a skrull behind him.

At the end of the day, he's left with an empty, partially destroyed house and a jar of ashes.

The hole in his heart grows bigger and he can't bring himself to scatter the ashes just yet.

+

A friend lets him move in after his mother's death. He's quiet and spends his days looking at the stars and reading comics. Sometimes, he feels like he's read an issue before and there's a phantom warmth against his side; the voice in his head isn't always his when he makes mental comments on the pages.

+

He cries when it rains. He's read about lighting and seasonal affective disorder and tried to figure out what's wrong with himself but nothing fits. It feels heavy and gut-wrenching. Like a part of him died with the rain- like something _important_ happened in the rain a long time ago- but all he can remember is playing in puddles as a child. He thinks the loss he feels might be for his mother, who constantly dragged him out of the puddles, but he's beginning to let go of her and what he feels is wholly different from parental love.

+

It takes a year before he's able to scatter the ashes. He does it alone and breaks down into body-wracking sobs when the final handful is gone. He feels a hand on his shoulder- or at least he thinks he does- but when he looks up he is still alone. He let's out an anguished noise and cries harder. Everything hurts. Nothing is Okay.

+

Teddy's dreams are mangled clips of voices he doesn't know and things he's never seen. He dreams of lightening and visiting the Avengers' Mansion. There are glimpses of blue and flutters of red. And stars- there are so many stars- they light up a path that he thinks could lead him home. It feels like he's drowning as he tries to make sense of it all.

When he wakes up it's always with gasping breaths and the feeling that whatever he needed was just beyond his grasp.

+

Teddy decides he's going to thank the Young Avenger that saved his life. He googles their code names, but the majority have secret identities (they were not fans of the registration act, apparently; he doesn't blame them, though.) The only name he manages to get is Cassie Lang. He reads the name and knows something bad has happened before he even clicks the Link. There, on her profile in large, red letters: Deceased. He has to step away from the computer. She's just a year or two younger than he is; it hits him hard that they could have been friends if things had gone a little differently.

+

Teddy tries to look up the Young Avengers one more time. There's been no news about them for a long time so the most recent link he finds is to a personal blog. It links news articles with snarky comments below the summary. There are the occasional personal posts (most of them saying “It's been months” and nothing else.) There are pictures of the team that had to be taken by a member.

The latest post, which is several months old, says “The team is done and so's this blog.”

Teddy refuses to admit defeat and sends a message anyway, “Do you know how to get ahold of Hawkeye?”

The reply comes almost immediately, “Yes. Why?”

Its a long conversation and the blog owner seems to be _deliberately_ annoying. He winds up with a phone number in the end and a promise that the owner will tell Hawkeye to answer.

And she does, but it's a chaotic conversation that sounds as though it's taking place during a literal fight with what Teddy can only guess is the Russian mafia. He hears an explosion. She promises to call him back before the line goes dead.

+

It takes a week before she phones him. “I'm on the East Coast for a little bit,” she starts. “Would you want to meet up and chat?”

He nods vigorously then answers “Yes, of course.”

She says she's meeting a friend for coffee a few days later and says that he should definitely stop by. As he agrees, his heart rate picks up for a reason that he can't identify and it feels like everything is finally coming together.

+

He steps into the coffee shop early and texts Hawkeye that he'll wait for her by the bar before he realizes there's only one seat left. He thinks about texting again and telling her a different spot, but decides he'll let her pick where to sit when she gets there. “Excuse me,” he starts, ever polite, “Is this seat taken?”

“It's free,” The man sitting next to the only empty seat looks up and Teddy's heart stops.

The man has dark hair and beautiful brown eyes. Besides the ridiculous stubble on his face, he looks perfect. But there's something else, too. A wamth that can only be described as Euphoria spreads through Teddy's chest and he struggles to find words.

“What's your name?” The other man asks. Teddy blushes and stutters for a moment, thinking that he's been staring for way too long and the other man probably thinks he's some sort of creeper.

“I-” Oh god, he's forgot his name. “I mean-” Should he say Theodore or Teddy...is he too old to be a Teddy? Should he be Ted? “Sorry,” he starts, trying to regain his composure and save himself from any further embarrassment, but the other man is looking at him with a strange fondness and soft smile that makes Teddy melt. “I'm Teddy,” he says, calmly, and extends a hand.

“Billy,” the man replies and reaches to take his hand. When their hands touch, the heavens and worlds seem to align and, finally, for once, Teddy feels like he's home.

There is a silence where they just hold on to each other's hand, awe-struck and staring into each other's eyes.

Finally, Billy asks, “Have we met before?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I can't find the prompt anymore but this was originally inspired by something along the lines of "Imagine person A of your OTP dying and person B gave up their memories together to save them"


End file.
